a girl in her element

October 27th was the Element’s first birthday!  To celebrate (and partially because I always need a reason for cookies), I made a little something.

My headless nature is why I need a new photographer.

My lovely drawing and an attempt at planning ahead. Art is so not my thing.

And there you have it!  A birthday cookie for (of?) the Element.  There were a few lessons learned from this -

1.  Get a new photographer.  Boys are only focused on two things – the food and ahem… I think you can figure out the other one.

2.  Art is not my thing.

3.  Decorating cookies is not my thing.

4.  Being a cookie monster and eating myself into a cookie coma IS my thing!

It’s super duper windy today in Vegas.  The kind of day where the stop lights are dangerously swinging back and forth.  The kind of day where you can’t go outside without a swish of sand flying into your eyes.  The kind of  day where shopping carts go flying across the parking lot… straight into your car.

Because that’s exactly what happened to me today.  I get in my car after picking up some craft supplies, look down to stick the key in the ignition, look back up and spot a grocery cart flying straight towards my car from the other end of the parking lot at a bajillion miles an hour.

Seriously… it was a bajillion miles an hour.  I scientifically measured it.

Okay, I didn’t but still it was rushing fast towards my car.  I didn’t have time to jump out of the car and stop it.  It hit my car – making enough noise to wake the dead… or at least some very heavy sleepers.  I winced, cowered, cringed, grimaced and cursed all at the same time.

I scrambled out, taking a quick glance around to make sure there weren’t any more stray carts zooming towards the car… or worse… my butt.

I was sure there’d be a huge dent in the front of my car.  At least a good size chunk of paint missing.  I slowly creeped around to the bumper, hesitantly glanced at it and that’s when I remembered!

My bumper has plastic panels!  And they were all in one piece.  No dents.  No scratches.  No cracks.  Just a nice layer of dust (but of course, that’s my fault for not washing my car in who knows how many months).

Without the plastic panels, I’m positive there would have been a sizable crater on the front of my car.  The plastic panels save the day!

The Honda Element has been re-assigned a new job – bug catcher.  No, wait… bug killer… or bug smasher.  Because man, oh man, it does a stellar job of that.  Most of the bugs I see in there are little and harmless.  It’s quite disappointing.

The last thing the bugs see flash before their beady, squinty, little eyes is this.   Poor fellas.

Imagine my joy when I found this plastered to the Element the other day… not one but TWO bugs smushed together.

Warning: picture below not for those with a faint heart… or a fear of bugs… or the easily squeamished (is that a word?)

See, told you it was’t pretty!

And yet… it kind of is, in the weirdest way possible.  But then again, I don’t mind  bugs.  I want a pet tarantula for crying out loud.  Pft, two dead bugs splattered together is nothing.

Oh my gosh, WAIT!

Did one of their legs just twitch in front of me?

Oh my god!  Take the picture and move!  Move, move, move!  Hurry!  The leg is still twitching! Run for your life!  I bet it’s got a machine gun… and a sword… and this is all just a trick! And I can’t believe I fell for it!  I think it sees me!  I swear it’s waving its little twiggy leg at me!  Run, run, run!

Okay, so I apparently can only handle dead bugs.  Shssh, don’t tell anyone about my breakdown.  Please!  Please don’t tell anyone I scrambled out of there, tripped over the doorstep, dove under the covers and waited and waited and waited.  This only means one thing… war!

This past trip to San Diego was unbelievably Frankie’s (yes, that’s the Element’s name… remind me to tell you the story some day) first time to the ocean!  I can’t believe it took so long!

Next time, I’m hoping to get down to the beach and get some sand in there!

I was feeling brave enough once again to go treasure hunting in my car.   Well, that and because I was looking for a library book that wandered off on its own.

So in the back compartment of my car where I haven’t looked since the third day I owned the car…

A flashlight still in its package, something… mechanical looking and a can of Fix-A-Flat.

I’ve been sold on Fix-A-Flat since I saw it in action one day when my boss called to tell me she was stranded because her car got a flat.  I arrived at the gas station and whoa yeah, that was a flat tire.

Now I consider myself a relatively emergency prepared person.  I’ve got enough water in my car to fill a pool.  Bandages are stashed here and there.   I’ve got enough clothes to throw together a spare outfit (I didn’t say they were going to match!).  Apparently to others (namely my dad), these are not the necessities in an emergency, so watching out for his haphazard daughter, he lovingly stocked my car with “real” emergency items.  One happened to be an air compressor.  The other was a bottle of Fix-A-Flat.

Looking at my boss’ flat tire, I scrambled around my car searching for something.  I wasn’t sure what but I reasoned that I had to have something to fix a tire.

“Ooh, an air compressor-thingie… that looks like it might work.”

“Sure, there’s a picture of a tire on the box, and we’ve got a tire problem.  Let’s use that.”

And so a hilarious conversation ensued between two women who were clueless about what to do.  Minutes and a headache later, we decided to ditch that route.   I returned to rummaging around my car and found the can of Fix-A-Flat.

“Oh, oh, oh!  This should definitely work! ”

“What is it?”

“I dunno but it says ‘fix a flat’ which is what we wanna do!!!!”

And less than five minutes later, we had given her tire a good dose of Fix-A-Flat.  We stood in the sweltering heat ‘ooh-ing and ahh-ing’ as we watched her tire magically inflate.  I was feeling triumphant and thought, “Thank you, Dad!”

Since that day, I’ve always had a can of Fix A Flat in my car.  I’m sure somebody is going to rain on my parade and tell me that Fix A Flat is terrible for your tires, blah, blah, blah.  Well, guess what, buddy?  I’ve heard it already.  I’ll try to remember that if I get a flat tire, but to be blunt, if my tire is headed towards airless territory, the first thing I’m thinking is how do I fix this so I can get away from cars whizzing by me at 90 miles an hour?  But thank you for your concern.

And thank you, dad.  Thank you for always watching out for me.  Even though I’m always stubborn and occasionally an air head, I promise that when you’re showing me how to change the battery in a car, how to check the oil level or how to check my tire pressure, I’m all ears.  You might have to show me two or ten more times, and I know you will because you’re so unbelievably patient with me.  Now would you be so kind to explain to me what that mechanical looking set of sticks in my car is for again?

For every one thing I take out of my Element, three more seem to magically appear.  If I’m missing something and I’ve scoured the house high and low for it, there’s a good likelihood it grew legs and found its way into the Element.

Once in awhile, I get the urge to dig through the nooks and crannies of my car.  Like a pirate going on a treasure hunt, a twisted one… hopeful that I’ll find something, anything of use.

This week I took a peek at what was in the compartment underneath my stereo.  One would assume this was supposed to be some sort of CD holder, but in Element Girl’s world, this was evidently not the case.

Wow, I’m actually shocked at how little I have in here, considering how every other compartment in my Element is overstuffed and overflowing.

Oh!  Look at that!  One lone CD found its way in there.  I’m somewhat afraid to  put it in the CD player.   Knowing me, it’s probably some super embarrasing CD like Jock Jams Volume 142 or Kidz Bop Volume 198.

Hmm, what else have we got?

• A remote to get into my parents’ community.   I had lost this for the longest time and have since learned my lesson.  Every time I went to their house, I’d be forced to sit there in front of the gate punching in random four digit codes and cursing when the gate didn’t open because I suffer from some sort of memory loss, and committing four numbers to memory proved to be a challenge.  Combine that with my self diagnosed dyslexia, and I had a real issue.  2983… 3892…8392…9283…1973?!?  Man, I wasn’t even remotely (no pun intended!) close.
• An annual pass for Red Rock Canyon.  A stunningly red collection of  rocks and mountains just outside of Las Vegas.  It’s one of my favorite places to hike, just not in the summer when it’s 297 degrees outside.  If you’re ever in Vegas, definitely steal away from the glitz and glamour long enough to check it out.
• A very soft blue cloth that I think I’m supposed to use to clean my glasses.   I guess that would work so much better than spitting on them and trying to use the bottom of my shirt to wipe them clean.
• And my coke bottle glasses.  Between you and me, I was aiming for the sexy, smart librarian look but ended up with… who knows what… the severely sight impaired librarian?

So my hunch was right, no real treasures to be found here.  At least, nothing that others would consider valuable.  On the other hand, I am rather fond of that handy remote and my Red Rock annual pass.  And because it’s part of my personality to attempt to foresee a myriad of possible disasters, the glasses could come in handy if I’m ever driving and a contact lens or two happen to pop out of my eye and fly out the window.  Hey… you never know.

Next week will bring another treasure hunt.  Hopefully I’ll find some real jewels… or maybe just my white sandal (yes, just one, I’m missing the left one… have you seen it?)… or my Rent soundtrack… or that $20 bill I misplaced.  Wait, did I spend that already?

Element Girl wants to know…

What’s the strangest thing you’ve found in your car?

Happy 15,000 miles to the Element!  Well, 15,004 miles because I was driving when it hit 15,000, and it didn’t seem like the safest idea to start snapping photos.

Here’s to the next 15,000!